A Little Less Negativity in Life

I was just talking to a good friend of mine about many things in general, and he mentioned a book he was reading that mentions how what we focus on we create in life… which of course reminded me that I have this blog that I have neglected for years.

So, I am going to make it a point to jump on here, write some things regularly, and focus on creating the things I want in my life.

My husband gives me trouble sometimes about not ‘caring’ about what is going on in the News, Politics, on Social Media, etc. And to be clear, it is not that I don’t care – I do glance at headlines to see what is happening in the world – but I choose not to dwell on what is happening, and not to spread the negative (well, that is my goal, anyway…)

I want to spend my time on the things that will move my life forward. Currently, that is learning more about how to improve my businesses, grow my customer base, and serve them well.

If I am putting in the time to learn and implement things for my business, I tend to have less time to focus on who said what snarky thing about whom on social media. And I like it that way. I find the less invested I am in those things that really aren’t effecting my life, the less stressed I am… a little more Zen, if you will.

And, if I am spending less time watching the news, or arguing with people online, I have more time to watch the birds out my front window, or work in my yard, or go for a bike ride and just enjoy being outside.

So… let’s move forward, find some good things in life to focus on and enjoy this life.

A Lot Has Changed

I just went back and was re-reading the blog posts I have on this site… the last one is about an elephant pillow.

Since then, I have really started building my company Elephant Spirit, and this month we launched our own clothing line!

In the spirit of Focus, Create, Life, Elephant Spirit’s mission is to raise money to help elephants in sanctuaries.

After learning that there are such things as elephant sanctuaries and then researching and finding out why there is a need for such sanctuaries, I am now fully dedicated to helping the elephants in need.

This is the last day of March, and my goal for this month was to raise enough money to ‘adopt’ an orphaned elephant at the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust. And yesterday, we hit that mark!

Today, we will be adopting “Larro” who is a year old this month.  She was found wandering by herself in January and brought to the sanctuary where she is being taken care of.

I’ll be posting about her once a month as she grows and gets healthy!

larro-01

A Little Trip Down Memory Lane

Today, Wyatt and I were filming an interview with a couple who live just down the street from the first house I lived in when we moved to Missouri.  After filming, we did a drive-by.

I had just turned thirteen the summer of 1980 when we left Michigan and moved to St. Louis – and as a thirteen year old, I was not at all happy about leaving my friends, having to start at a new school, and being a teenager, all at the same time.

Once we arrived and got settled, it turned out to be a good thing. Our house was close enough to the mall that we could ride our bikes to the video game arcade, and we lived in a neighborhood with a LOT of houses, so despite it being summer, we made friends pretty quickly.

The house was an odd layout.  First, it was shaped like a barn (well, two barns) and the smaller of the barns was supposed to be the garage, however, our house had originally been a model home and the real estate agents had set up an office in the garage. So, we had this “Big Room” that ultimately became the room that we kids took over.

Although we did not live in that house for very long, it was interesting how many memories came back to me as Wyatt and I drove through the neighborhood, and he indulged me by detouring by the house so I could get some pictures.

IMG_5749I remember riding my bike over to Heather’s house (uphill, both ways!). I remember playing tag football with the boys in the backyard.  Babysitting Abby, Noel and Christian next door. Waiting at the bus stop.  Hanging out with Kris down the street, and talking about the boys in the neighborhood (then meeting the boys in the neighborhood). My brothers and I creating a fully carpeted fort in the crawlspace under the stairs. The pop-open cassette player that we had in the ‘fort’ where we listened to “Paradise Theatre” and “Hi Infidelity” over and over and over (that is the soundtrack for my thirteenth year). My brother’s train set that took over the ping pong table in the ‘Big Room’ in our house. Creating rocketships with the large moving boxes.  Learning that when a neighbor kid offers you a ‘soda,’ they don’t mean pop with ice cream in it.  Learning what the words “Preppie” and “soc” and “Izod” meant. I remember being in the downstairs TV room and watching the news of President Reagan being shot. I also remember being in that same room watching Channel 11’s marathon of “The Deer Hunter” with my brother Dean (neither of us, by the way, were really old enough to watch that film and the song “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” still gives me the willies!!)  I also remember the last physical fight I ever got into with my older brother Brendon, who despite being shorter than me, suddenly was a lot stronger than me..!

Funny, the things you remember when you start to think about a specific house you lived in. And as much as I did not want to move away from Michigan, the memories from this first Missouri house are really quite good!

 

Celebrate Life.

A week or so ago, I turned 50.  In preparation for this big event, I decided to claim the entire month of July as my Birthday Month. I posted on Facebook a ‘celebration’ every day, whether is was truly cake or ice cream or a massage or taking a nap or admiring a flower or a bird.

Today, I posted a collage of images from the month, and made the decision that although I was not necessarily going to post every day, that I would make the decision to celebrate something every day.

A couple of my friends have said how much they enjoyed the daily posts, so I have decided that I will continue with them, but they will begin here… because after all, that is kind of what this blog is about – focussing on the good things in life.

So… today is August 1, and I am celebrating life!

Birthday Collage

3 Simple Daily Habits That Will Help You to Stay Optimistic

 

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Anais Nin

One of the most common questions people ask me via email is how to become more of an optimist.

So this week I’d simply like to share three habits that I use just about every day and that help me to stay optimistic in pretty much any situation.

It may sometimes take a while before I find an optimistic thread of thought but these three habits usually help me to do it.

1. Ask yourself questions that let you see the optimistic viewpoint.

When I’m in what seems like a negative situation my most common way of making something better out of that is to ask myself questions that promote optimism and helps me to find solutions.

Questions like:

  • What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation?
  • What is one thing I can learn from this situation?
  • What is one opportunity within this situation?

These questions are not something that I can always use right away. Sometimes I need some time to process and accept the feelings and thoughts that arise.

But after a bit of time, when those thoughts and feelings have mostly passed, I ask myself one or more of these questions.

2. Get optimistic support from the world around you.

One the most important factors for being able to stay optimistic are the influences around you. Optimism is – just like enthusiasm – contagious.
So find ways to create an environment that supports you.

  • The people in your life. Try to spend more time with optimistic peopleand less time with people who seem to always be negative about things. Positive people will support you, add upbeat energy and can help you to find a constructive change in perspective when you have a situation that is bringing you down and when you are just making a mountain out of a molehill.
  • The information you let into your mind. One of the simplest things you can do to create and support your own optimism is simply to regularly read blogs and books and listen to or watch recordings created by optimistic people.

3. Start your day in an optimism creating way.

The way you start your day often sets the tone for the rest of it.

A stress-free morning leads to less stress and better focus during your day.

A work out early in your day leads to more energy throughout the day.

And optimism while you are eating your cereal or traveling to work or school can help you to stay positive and constructive as you go through the ups and downs of your day.

Three practical ways to get this good start is to:

  • Read or watch something optimistic or funny for 10-20 minutes during your morning.
  • Have an uplifting conversation over breakfast or early in your day.
  • Listen to a motivating audiobook or podcast as you ride the bus, your bicycle or while you’re walking somewhere.
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Five Things SCIENCE Says Will Make You Happier

–by Kira M. Newman, syndicated from Greater Good, Apr 29, 2016

Did you know that happiness has its own holiday?

Four years ago, the General Assembly of the United Nations proclaimed March 20 to be the International Day of Happiness. It’s easy to understand why they see happiness as something to celebrate: Happy people are healthier; they get sick less often and live longer. Happy people are more likely to get married and have fulfilling marriages, and they have more friends. They make more money and are more productive at work. Based on decades of research, it has become clear that happiness is not just a personal issue; it’s a matter of public health, global economics, and national well-being.

But it doesn’t come easy, as most of us know. Disappointments and annoyances grab our attention like gnats, and even the good things in life seem to lose their luster over time. Add to that a crammed schedule and mounting obligations, and happiness might just seem out of reach—achievable for other people, perhaps, but not us.

Fortunately, research suggests that happiness is something we can cultivate with practice. The Greater Good Science Center has collected many happiness practices on our website Greater Good in Action, alongside other research-based exercises for fostering kindness, connection, and resilience. Below are 11 of those happiness practices, grouped into five broader strategies for a more fulfilling life.

1. Acknowledge the good

If we don’t feel happy, it’s tempting to look for things to fix: the job that isn’t prestigious enough, the apartment that’s too cramped, our partner’s annoying habit. But focusing on all the negatives isn’t the surest route to feeling better. Instead, a simple way to start cultivating happiness is by recognizing the good.

In the Three Good Things exercise, for example, you keep a journal devoted solely to the positives in your life. Each evening, you write down three things that went well and add some detail about each, including how they made you feel. For example, you might recall a heartfelt thank you from a coworker, a quiet moment drinking tea, or your daughter’s infectious laughter. Importantly, you also briefly explain why you think each good thing happened—which focuses your attention on the enduring sources of goodness that surround you.

2005 study invited participants to do this practice daily for a week, and afterward they reported feeling happier and less depressed than when they started. In fact, they maintained their happiness boost six months later, illustrating how impactful it can be to focus on the good things in life.

Many of those good things lie just outside our doorstep, and we can practice noticing them on aSavoringWalk. Here, you take a 20-minute walk and observe the sights, sounds, and smells you encounter—freshly cut grass, an epic skyscraper, a stranger’s smile. Each time you notice something positive, take the time to absorb it and think about why you enjoy it. On your subsequent Savoring Walks, strike out in different directions to seek new things to admire.

In a study by Fred Bryant of Loyola University Chicago, participants who took Savoring Walks daily for a week reported greater increases in happiness than participants who went for walks as usual. “Making a conscious effort to notice and explicitly acknowledge the various sources of joy around us can make us happier,” write Bryant and Joseph Veroff in the book Savoring.

If you have trouble seeing the good that’s already around you, another strategy is to create some. In Creating and Recalling Positive Events, you carve out time for yourself and fill your schedule with enjoyment.

When you have a day free, don’t rush around doing chores; instead, try three different happy activities:

Something you do alone, such as reading, listening to music, or meditating.

Something you do with others, such as going out for coffee, riding your bike, or watching a movie.

Something meaningful, such as volunteering, helping a neighbor in need, or calling a friend who’s struggling.

If your go-to happiness practice has been Netflix and a bowl of ice cream, this exercise can reconnect you with different sources of satisfaction. These three activities should offer you a sense of pleasure, engagement, and meaning, all viable paths to a satisfying life. A 2014 study found that even psychiatric patients with suicidal thoughts found value in doing this exercise, reporting more optimism and less hopelessness afterward.

2. Add happiness through subtraction


Even after we identify the positives in our life, we’re still prone to adapting to them over time. A good thing repeated brings us less satisfaction, until it no longer seems to contribute to our day-to-day mood at all; we take it for granted. That’s why, sometimes, it’s a good idea to introduce a little deprivation. 


In Mental Subtraction of Positive Events, you call to mind a certain positive event—the birth of a child, a career achievement, a special trip—and think of all the circumstances that made it possible. How could things have turned out differently? Just taking a moment to imagine this alternate reality creates a favorable comparison, where suddenly our life looks quite good.

In a 2008 study, participants who performed this exercise reported feeling more gratitude and other positive emotions than participants who simply thought about past positive events without imagining their absence. Mental Subtraction seems to jolt us into the insight that the good things in our lives aren’t inevitable; we are, in fact, very lucky.

If imagining absence isn’t quite enough for you, what about experiencing it for real? In the Give It Uppractice, you spend a week abstaining from a pleasure in order to appreciate it more fully. This pleasure should be something that’s relatively abundant in your life, such as eating chocolate or watching TV. At the end of the week, when you can finally indulge, pay special attention to how it feels.

In a 2013 study, people who gave up chocolate savored it more and experienced a more positive mood when they finally ate it at the end of the week, compared with people who ate chocolate as usual. This exercise may not only open your eyes to a single pleasure (like the miracle of cacao), but make you more conscious of life’s many other pleasures, too.

3. Find meaning and purpose

Creating and Recalling Positive Events reminds us that pleasure isn’t the only path to bliss; meaning can also bring us happiness, albeit a quieter and more reflective kind.

In the Meaningful Photos practice, you take pictures of things that are meaningful to you and reflect on them. Over the course of a week, look out for sources of meaning in your life—family members, favorite spots, childhood mementos—and capture about nine or ten different images of them. At the end of the week, spend an hour reflecting on them: What does each photo represent, and why is it meaningful to you? Jot down some of those thoughts if it’s helpful.

Amid the chores and routines, life can sometimes feel dull and mundane. Reigniting our sense of meaning can remind us what’s important, which boosts our energy and gives us strength to face life’s stresses. In a 2013 study, college students who completed this exercise not only boosted their sense of meaning, but also reported greater positive emotions and life satisfaction as well.

We can also boost our energy and motivation by fostering a sense of purpose, and the Best Possible Selfexercise is one way to do that. Here, you journal for 15 minutes about an ideal future in which everything is going as well as possible, from your family and personal life to your career and health.

In a 2006 study, participants who wrote about their Best Possible Selves daily for two weeks reported greater positive emotions afterward, and their mood continued increasing up to a month later if they kept up the practice.

This exercise allows us to clarify our goals and priorities, painting a detailed picture of where we want to be. This picture should be ambitious but realistic so that it motivates us to make changes, rather than reminding us how imperfect and disappointing our lives are now. When we reflect on our future this way, we may feel more in control of our destiny.

4. Use your strengths

Just as we hunt for things to fix in life, we also tend to obsess over flaws in ourselves; our weaknesses loom large. But what if we put more time and attention into our strengths and positive attributes?

The Use Your Strengths exercise invites you to consider your strengths of character—from creativity and perseverance to kindness and humility—and put them into practice. Each day for a week, select a strength and make a plan to use it in a new and different way. You can repeat the same strength—directing your curiosity toward a work project one day and toward your partner’s interests the next—or work on different strengths each day. At the end of the week, synthesize the experience by writing about what you did, how it made you feel, and what you learned.

In a 2005 study, participants who engaged in this exercise for a week reported feeling happier and less depressed, and that happiness boost lasted up to six months. Use Your Strengths may help us transfer skills between home and work—applying our professional creativity to our children’s school assignments or our domestic kindness to our co-workers—and give us a confidence boost all around.

5. Connect with others

The practices above invite us to turn inward, tinkering with our attitudes and the way we view the world. But decades of science also suggest that turning outward and connecting to the people around us is one of the surest routes to happiness.

As a first step, you can try an adapted version of the Best Possible Self exercise for relationships to give you insights into what kinds of social connection you desire. In an ideal life, what would your relationships with your spouse, family, and friends look like?

One way to feel an immediate boost of connection is through Random Acts of Kindness. Random Acts of Kindness don’t have to be flashy or extravagant; they can be as simple as helping a friend with a chore or making breakfast for your partner. You can also extend your circle of kindness to strangers and community members, feeding a parking meter or offering a meal to someone in need.

In a 2005 study, participants who performed five acts of kindness on one day a week for six weeks reported increases in happiness. (This didn’t happen when they spread out their acts of kindness across the week, perhaps because a single kind act may not feel noteworthy on its own.) Researchers also suggest varying your acts of kindness over time to keep the practice fresh and dynamic.

Some of your acts of kindness may involve giving, and the Make Giving Feel Good practice helps ensure that giving does, indeed, bring happiness. Researchers Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton, among others, have found evidence that being kind and generous does make us happier, but they’ve also found that acts of giving are most effective when they meet these three criteria:

It’s a choice: Give because you choose to, not because you feel pressured or obligated to.

You connect: Giving can be an opportunity to make connections with the people you’re helping, so choose activities where you get to spend time with recipients, like helping a friend move or volunteering at a soup kitchen.

You see the impact: If you’re donating money, for example, don’t just give and move on. Find out what your money will be used for—like new classroom supplies or a cooking stove.

In a 2011 study, participants were offered a $10 Starbucks gift card to use in different ways: They either gave it to someone, gave it to someone and joined them for a drink, or used it on themselves while drinking with a friend. The ones who gave the card away and spent time with the recipient—connecting with them and seeing the impact of giving—felt happiest afterward.

Of course, the pursuit of happiness isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and mugs of tea and smiling children. Sometimes we need to tackle our insecurities and weaknesses, and we can’t just ignore our draining jobs and nagging relatives. But the practices here represent the other side of the coin, the one we often neglect: seeing, appreciating, and mobilizing the good.

Coat provides warmth, jobs to Detroit’s homeless

By Marissa Calhoun, CNN

Detroit (CNN)Six years ago, Veronika Scott accepted a challenge from her college professor: Design something to “fill a need” in Detroit.

Scott, an art student, found her inspiration on the streets.

“In Detroit, there’s this large homeless population, and they kind of just disappear into the landscape,” Scott said. “I wanted to design for this whole population of people that we just don’t see.”
In 2010, Scott created a fully insulated, waterproof jacket that converts into a sleeping bag and knapsack. She called it the EMPWR coat.

'If it weren't for this coat, I wouldn't have made it'
‘If it weren’t for this coat, I wouldn’t have made it’ 

“So many people on the streets are wearing somebody else’s trash,” said Scott, now 26. “The coat itself was meant to offer people warmth…but also to give them a little bit of pride.”
But Scott’s work was far from finished. As she handed out the coats one day, a woman in a shelter shouted, “We don’t need coats. We need jobs.”
Today, Scott and her nonprofit, the Empowerment Plan, hire homeless individuals from local shelters to help manufacture the coats. Employees receive training and other support services to help them get their lives back on track.
Since 2012, the group has made and distributed more than 15,000 free coats for the homeless nationwide and around the world.
CNN’s Marissa Calhoun spoke with Scott about her work. Below is an edited version of their conversation.
CNN: You started your nonprofit right after graduating college. How did people react?
Scott: I was surprised by the fact that everybody told me I was going to fail because I wanted to go into shelters and hire people. One person said, point blank: “You’re never going to get a homeless person to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, let alone a coat.” And for me, that was the most shocking thing because that’s not true at all.
Today, Empowerment Plan employs 22 previously homeless parents. And (they) are absolutely, mind-blowingly amazing. So if there was a weak point in my business plan, it sure as hell wasn’t me employing them.
For us, it’s about showing employers that the people we hire aren’t just good for us, they are an asset to any company—it’s just about looking beyond what’s on paper.

Veronica Scott's nonprofit hires homeless individuals from local shelters to help manufacture the coats.
Veronica Scott’s nonprofit hires homeless individuals from local shelters to help manufacture the coats.

 CNN: How do you find them?
Scott: It all starts with going into the shelters and saying, “We have this job opportunity.” And then from there we have a very rigorous three-part interview process to identify who’s going to succeed here.
We look for people that are going to make the culture better, people that are going to invest in the organization and take ownership of it. It’s a big deal to us to find the right individuals. What it really comes down to is motivation—that the biggest motivating factor and what gets people up in the morning isn’t just getting a paycheck, but creating that better life for their family.
We’re (also) bridging that gap between the shelter and being financially independent and stable. We shut down our production day at 3 o’clock and allow our employees to stay on the clock, so they are earning an income while they study for their GED, take financial literacy classes or participate in leadership development.
CNN: The decision to hire parents is very personal for you.
Scott: Growing up, both my parents struggled with unemployment and addiction. We were constantly moving around. When you’re raised in someone else’s rock bottom, it shapes how you look at the world. For me, it was really difficult. I wanted to create an opportunity that I wish my parents had when I was a kid.
On average, for every one person we hire, they have two to three kids. We hope that this changes the trajectory of how those children are raised. If your parent isn’t stressed about money because they are employed and they can provide consistency for you, that has a huge impact. This opportunity doesn’t just help the parents, it pulls their kids out of that situation, too.
CNN: Beyond your initial idea, how has the city of Detroit influenced your work?
Scott: My grandparents are from Detroit. My great-grandparents are from Detroit. So coming here to go to college had a lot of meaning.
When I first started Empowerment Plan, this community was there to support me in doing this, helping me craft something from nothing. It was amazing how individuals in this area that are chronically homeless were helping me create something to fill a need they have—all the way to giant corporations here that normally would not pay attention to a design student with an idea about making coats.
There’s this whole community that has been here from the beginning that wants to see it succeed because they’ve weathered all of the storms that this city has gone through.
Want to get involved? Check out the Empowerment Plan website at http://www.empowermentplan.org and see how to help.

 

Go!

I love when I meet people who I immediately connect with, who share a vision of what life can be like.

This week, that meeting was the owners of GoTV,  a new station coming to St. Louis whose goal is it to change the way people are watching TV and to inspire people.

I could feel it when I walked in the room, and that feeling just grew as I spoke to the owners of this endeavor… They ARE inspired, and they truly want to share that with the city – the creativity that is here in St. Louis should be seen, but also, that there is good in the world – that there are people who are working together and making good things happen.

St. Louis has been plagued by the media coverage of the negative events. It is that plague that motivated me to create this blog – the focus of the media is so negative, and that becomes self-fulfilling. Feed the audiences the bad news, the violence, the frustration, and you will build a community who has grown up on anger, violence and frustration.

Let’s start sharing the positive. Let’s show black and white, and men and women, and children and adults, and authority and community working together, creating a beautiful life.

Screen Shot 2016-05-29 at 11.14.18 AM

This inspirational media launches on July 1 on Charter… look for them, and look for a lot of goodness coming from this TV Station!